Feeling confused...

About what I want right now. The certain thing is more play - the boy interest is away, several play dates have been cancelled and work has been making it hard to get to clubs and events I'd like to attend. It almost feels as if the kink within and play-life that were blossoming a year ago have wilted away. I know why and don't like the reasons but they're hard to deal with. Part of me wants the darker intense scenes that I was leaning towards a year ago, things to push my limits, challenge my roleplaying abilities or propel me into experimenting with new things. Part of me wants the safe, comfortable things that right now I'm missing. All of me is more than a little mixed up.