Sunday, 13 February 2011

Little Victories

This week has been a really hard week. For no real reason I've been exhausted, struggling to get out of bed in the morning and wanting nothing more than to collapse by the time 5 o'clock rolls around. Work has been incredibly stressful with a lot of uncertainty around whether or not I was heading off to Africa for weeks only resolved a few days before I fly. The novelty of being in a new country and a new flat has worn off and left me missing friends at home, the familiar grime of my London commute and staples like Marmite, Look Magazine and proper Cadburys chocolate. Then yesterday to make things worse my auntie went into hospital with a stroke and the guilt of not being there for my family has been pretty unbearable.

Therefore it's been a week for small victories. Making myself go rowing and play mixed netball with strangers when all I really wanted to do was go home and eat ice cream. Taking getting into the office on time and putting in nine or ten hours as a victory in itself. Accepting 'cleaning the flat' as an activity and that actually it's alright for the shiny floors and surfaces to be the achievement of the day. Picking myself up, prettifying myself and heading out to meet lovely new friends for dinner and cabaret because staying at home wouldn't make it any better. Feeling incredibly lucky to have met lovely people who have been so supportive - thank you Star and Eternity. Trying to take the pressure off myself a little and to accept that I can't make everything work overnight and don't have to.

Anyway, it is a new week tomorrow and rather an exciting one. I'm off to Tanzania and then Kenya for work. I've not been feeling great about it because I'm still settling in here and in honesty would rather go to Eternity's birthday do and get stuck into rowing and netball. However I'm determined to make the most of it and have plans to head to Zanzibar next weekend - somewhere that has haunted my dreams for years (since a gap year visit was aborted after a mountain biking accident). With any luck I'll also find some adventures in Nairobi!

Not to mention I'm going to have lots of flying time - so I promise to have written some new fiction by next week as I've been procrastinating for far, far too long. I would say if I don't you can spank me but I'm on totally the wrong continent - so there!

Sunday, 6 February 2011

More like me

Yesterday marked my first month in Australia - it certainly hasn't been plain sailing but there has been a lot of good. Am happily settled into my new flat, have met some lovely friends, joined a bookclub and work is keeping me very busy. It's really hard being so far away from family and friends, to miss exciting social events, giggling over a glass of wine or just being able to have a bit of a gossip.

But all things considered it's going pretty well. I miss the boy and still feel very sad and broken in that respect but in other ways I feel more like me than I have in a while. It's quite nice remembering that I can meet people and sort out a life for myself on my own and that actually it will all be ok. I'll miss people a lot and my heart will take a while to mend but in the meantime I'll be fine, or even better than fine.