Inappropriate...

The hotel that we are hosting our annual workshop in is partly old and colonial, which has led to not a few inappropriate thoughts when the planning meetings get too stupefying. It's hardly fair to put me in a 150 year old colonial building that was originally a ballroom and is now used for conferences and to expect me to focus very well on presentations and the best position for the podium. My thoughts drifted back to the Rebecca I might have been 150 years ago - I suspect I'd still want to travel and be somewhat adventurous (something I get from my parents who are only just beginning to be able to do) and imagined arriving in the country as the wife of an ambassador or perhaps daughter of an ambitious merchant. The balls I'd have attended in that prestigious ball room, the arguments when I baulked against safety concerns in a foreign land and the inevitable consequences.

Living a double life can take a toll. Some people manage to merge the real life and bdsm sides of their lives reasonably well - they work in the arts or live an outwardly alternative lifestyle. For me that's just not the case and I take a perverse pleasure in being the last person that people would suspect. The model girl next door or altruistic career girl. It just gets very surreal when I'm reeling from a big scene or my mind is drifting to baser fantasies and then you snap back into it. I'm meeting some overseas colleagues for the first time and have somehow convinced them that I'm competent and there's the possibility of a job in Australia...but I could hardly mention 'what's the fetish scene like' in a discussion about practicalities with one of them. Although the possibilities for transportation scenarios are rather limitless...

I belatedly realised that yesterday was my 100th post - not many in over a year but I have had a bit of a hiatus recently so still a bit of a milestone I guess - but enough of the rambling!

Renaissance

My world is on the move again hopefully for the better. All going to plan I'm starting a new job in a couple of weeks and escaping my psycho boss. Am in Sri Lanka facilitating a 'final fling' workshop but mostly just wanting to go to the beach. Feeling more engaged with my dark and dirty side than I have for a while, mostly due to being generally unhappy and stressed out (hence the lack of posting - too much about being sad, stressed and mixed up doth not good reading maketh). My doctor has worked out what's wrong with me and dosed me and my energy levels are slowly re approaching normal - I swam and hit the gym today despite being jet lagged. I've planned the trip of a quintecade (5 years) for August, may or may not be going on my own and still can't wait. Am still not too sure where certain things are going or even which way they should go but the sun appears to be slowly reemerging (the real sun probably has something to do with this - I'm a summer girl at heart) for which I'm eternally grateful. Whether it's knowing I've escaped the psycho boss, that the sun is out, knowing I'm going away this summer or what I don't know but am happy and my kinky libido is emerging blinking into the sunshine too.

Having had a couple of rather lovely play happenings recently has probably also had a lot to do with it :) It was nice to find that I was in the mood and felt more like me than I have in a while. But more about that another day - off to reconfigure a few more computers (hurrah!)