"But you don't stand still...ever!"
Was my best friend's confused comment as I tried to explain a little more about what I was 'into'. Some of what we do is difficult for vanillas to grasp, particularly when it's not especially sexual and falls more into the 'DS' than the 'B' or 'SM' aspects of what we do. We've been talking quite a lot about it recently - she's going through some hard times with her partner and our occasional phone catch-ups have become much more regular. As I'm stressed out for different reasons it's been cathartic to talk to someone who knows me inside out for me as well.
We somehow ended up agreeing to talk about different bits of what I'm 'into' so she could understand and also because she's curious. I'm wondering if a pervert may be lurking in there somewhere but won't say more than that.
It was easy enough for her to understand some things. The spankings and canings and other painful pursuits make sense to her as another way of expressing the masochistic side of me that she knew well in sporting arenas. She gets why I'd enjoy fet clubbing and joked that after spending half my working life covered from head to toe in foreign countries it wasn't surprising that I needed to let my hair down - and our group were hardly shy about going out without much on anyway. The control thing she gets a little bit and understands that I need a man who can stand up to me be 'in charge' in the bedroom but questions things going beyond that. As an ex-history student she also understands why I'd enjoy role-playing but found some of it a bit strange (explaining a Victorian reformatory to anyone non-kinky is an amusing challenge if you're ever bored!).
Somehow though we really got stuck on the subject of 'corner time'. It's not something that happens very often or a huge kink of mine but she really fixated on it. A lot of it was not understanding the benefit for either me or the person enforcing it - it's not sexy or physical to an outsider and I think that makes it harder to understand. We talked a lot about the symbolism and also concept of reflecting before being punished and the humiliation factor as it's quite a juvenile position. How it can be an opportunity to swap from a bratty or 'high' head space into something calmer and more obedient and other things like that. That it's a way for a dominant to take control of the situation on their terms rather than necessarily dealing with something straight away.
She had a lot of sideways questions about how did people ensure that you really stayed in the corner. I shared the comic example of a Dom I'd played with quite early on who had made me hold a ping pong ball against the wall with my nose so I couldn't move at all. Unfortunately I'd sneezed, jumped in shock and accidentally kicked the ball which had dropped into a corner and behind the sofa. It was entirely unintentional but got me into trouble and she'd collapsed into fits of giggles as that was a very 'me' thing to do. I neglected to tell her about the occasion whilst role playing when myself and another girl had carefully shuffled out of the corner whilst the Dom wasn't watching as I didn't think it would help.
I'm still not sure how much she 'got' it in the end, although she was very fixated on the idea of me standing still bizarrely!