Do they really notice...

Or even care? 'They' being men in this case. Us girlies obviously spend a lot of time before a scene thinking about what we're going to wear, how to do our hair and which underwear will go best. Thing is I didn't use to spend quite long thinking about it - I had one set of black quite nice H&M bra and pants and the rest were plain cotton and slightly stretched. I have distinct memories of heading back to the house of my first kinky boyfriend after training having not had a shower and wearing a sexy line in trackies and sports vest. He obsessed over me, was desperate to see me, wanted more than I could ever have given. More bizarrely he continued to obsess over me long after we split up.

So I guess what I'm asking is do men actually like the effort? Do you find us sexier in matching lingerie, corsetted and made-up. When you lift our skirts is it more exciting to find pretty lacy knickers or would faded baggy ones actually be fine?

Strange mood

I'm thinking about the Great Halls of ancient warriors. Braziers lit, ornate hangings on the wall, long feasting tables with wooden benches, probably a roast pig or four. A triumphant local Chieftain or petty King, probably some minstrels playing something warlike with lots of drums. One by one the hostages taken to ensure the good behaviour of the kingdoms he has defeated are presented to him by his arms men. The weeping daughter of the old king he defeated on the first stay, the proud wife of another, the aging mother of a third. Then comes one with whom he is more personally acquainted - the sister of the ruler of the last kingdom to fall. She spits in his face, as defiant as she had been leading her brother's men during those last bitter days of conquest after an arrow to the shoulder took him out of action. It had only been the threat to raze her people's visit that had forced the final surrender. Looking down at her the victor could not decide whether he might have been wiser to take her meeker sister as his hostage or whether this woman might finally provide him with some sport...

I'm also thinking about custard. I have this sudden huge urge for raspberry and blackberry crumble with custard. Unfortunately I have neither raspberries, blackberries nor custard, which is a great shame. I did have a very yummy dinner though (nom!)

I'm also thinking about the boy interest and him being far away. We found a very nice castle to explore last time I visited and I was very disappointed when he refused to spank me when I bent over a four poster bed in a turret room (no windows - just stone gaps - very exciting!) and pulled my knickers down. Apparently it was too risky in an English Heritage property...my argument is that there were all of about four people there. Later on he did deal with me in a little nook off the gun room for being cheeky and misbehaving - it's a hard life! Comedy picture to follow once I can be bothered to upload it from my phone.

I have just been watching Glee - it is possibly the best thing ever. I wish my colleagues would just burst into random tuneful singing every ten minutes as it would make the working day much more interesting. Nine to five life seems to be taking it's toll right now - my boss is being a psycho, I'm bored and it's February and thus extra miserable. I have to go somewhere really dangerous in a few weeks when I'd wanted to see the boy and am not too impressed. Rapidly reaching the conclusion that work does send the brain to sleep.

Am loving my burlesque course (nipple tassels next week!) with our fabulous teacher. It's fun and no one takes it too seriously...and I'm sure learning 4 ways to remove a pair of gloves, 2 ways to remove stockings with a chair and two ways without will come in useful at some point! It's all rather fabulous and la-di-da as have just got back from doing my panto in Ireland. I want sparkling lights, screaming children, wonderful people and the chance to drink and dance until the wee hours to go on and on...

So raise a glass to fun, fabulousness, kinky day dreaming and surreality.

Less random posts to follow when I am in a less flippant mood :)

Sunday Night Blues

I have the Sunday night blues, a bad case of them. No one likes Mondays but I don't remember the impending sense of doom hitting quite so brutally on Sunday nights a year or two ago. I'm happier in my job than I was back then (still frequently bored but at least it's worthwhile) and generally a pretty happy bunny so think it must be a bit of a reflection of the pattern that my life's taking right now. Weekend are either taken up with fabulous kinky fun and events, seeing the boy interest or putting on a show with fabulous people. Hence Sunday nights being a bit of a nadir. I'm played out, on my own with a cold bedroom and mounting pile of washing. Usually some cleaning to do. Tired knowing there's a week ahead that will be less fun and more lonely.

Votes for a 5 day weekend and 2 day week everybody?!

Have a funny phone and story to tell from weekend with the boy interest but should probably go to bed or will be grumpy and tired at work tomorrow :( Hope everyone has had much fun and fabulousness :)

Sweet girl, action girl

A vanilla friend once jokingly said that my problem was that I wasn't sure if I wanted to be Lara Croft or Legally Blonde. At the time I was frantically trying on dresses for a black tie dinner in the forty minute gap between racing on the river and having to jump on a bus to go rock climbing for the weekend. The girly part of me demanded trying on virtually every dress in multiple shops despite the incident taking place during my sylph like days when everything fitted, no questions asked. The action girl was getting impatient, thus trying to save time (if you've never seen someone in the stylish combo of a pink frilly dress teamed with waterproof trousers and walking boots you're missing out) and fretting about whether there would be time to pick up new batteries for my head torch or not. My poor friend was trying to ensure that we made the bus and I had something to wear for the dinner the following night, whilst gently suggesting we did really need to pick up some lunch before leaving.

It does sometimes feel like I have two contrasting personalities that want completely different things. So much so that what makes one happy makes the other edgy. Part of me wants fifties dresses, big petticoats, nice kitchenware and frilly knickers and another part of me wants to trek to Everest Base Camp, raft the Nile, push my body until I scream and is happiest in trackies and a hoodie. On the scene the dichotomy raises it's head as well - sometimes I am in evangelical 'good girl' mode and generally want to please people, look pretty and am a generally mellow happy thing and sometimes I want to battle with the tops, pain, starkness and rebellion. We all have different aspects to our personalities and there are lots of subsets to the sweet and action versions of me but sometimes it does seem very pronounced. What's frustrating is that sometimes I can't really control which head space I get into and that's really frustrating.

Right now I feel equally torn about what to save money I don't have for. Part of me is fawning over What Katie Did's adorable pink lace Sarah range for their new spring collection, flowery Vivien of Holloway Dresses and fabulous Mary Green 7 Deadly Sins knickers in pink silk. I am busy totting up what I could afford when if I gave up what (probably eating). Another part of me is plotting my first proper trip in a couple of years this summer and unsure about whether I fancy trekking in Nepal and Tibet, rafting, mountain biking and diving in Central America or climbing and safariing in Africa. I suspect the next few months are going to consist of a battle of wills as I attempt not to spend savings for the summer on more knickers...otherwise it'll be Bognor Regis...or Watford. And there are so many less silly adrenaline sports to be done there...and I'll have to take more then 2 pairs of knickers!

On another note I'm off down South to see the boy interest for the weekend and my case probably displays the disparity in my tastes rather well - in a carry on size bag I have succeeded in packing a corset, pretty underwear and 3 pairs of stockings alongside a ginormous pair of walking boots, thick socks and my favourite trackies...me...complex...never!