Tuesday, 22 September 2009

This one fights back...

I want to blog on the somewhat sensitive topic of 'fighting back' or resisting in scenes and in this I include verbal resistance as well as more physical struggling. It's a sensitive topic because it tends to divide people into those who are horrified at the concept of a sub resisting (or resisting themselves) and those who enjoy it in context. I fall into the latter category and enjoy waging a battle that I will inevitably eventually lose to the Dom. Some scenes lend themselves better to this than others - truculent reformatory girls, recalcitrant school girls and captured girls condemned to a live of slavery spring to mind. Whilst playing scenes I am generally rather cheeky and I enjoy the banter and verbal sparring that works well in certain role plays - generally if I'm still being cheeky it means I'm up for more play and gives the scene a sense of impetus. Most Doms enjoy this - it gives their stern school teachers or wardens an excuse to bollock me and keeps the scene moving and lets them know that even though they're being really horrible I'm enjoying it. The inevitable 'breaking' in some scenes is the hottest bit but only somewhere I go with people I really trust. There are people that want their school girls to be terrified and obedient but we're generally a bad match so wouldn't play anyway.

The issue of physical struggle is even more difficult. As a qualified self defence instructor with years of martial arts experience I shy away a little from full-blown physical resistance because if I actually fought back there would be broken bones and blood - not exactly hot or sexy. Plus I want the Dom to win in the end. Some of my characters do resist physically - I once did a prison scene with a Dom and another girl and every time he tied one of us up we undid ourselves while he was restraining the other - very funny and no one got hurt. Sometimes struggling physically is fun but I probably only go for it with about 20% force - wriggling a bit and kicking playfully or putting my hand on their crotch to show that I could have hit if I'd wanted to rather than giving them true hell. To be fair 20% of Rebecca is more than most men can restrain anyway but I'd never actually hit anyone or do too much damage because it's not fun and I'm too scared of really hurting someone. I once did an incredibly hot scene with a 6'4" athletic playmate who had done some martial arts - he tied my hands behind my back and my ankles together (coward) and then told me to fight back properly...I rolled us both off the bed, elbowed him in the face and kneed him in the balls before he choked me out and I had to behave - incredibly hot as I knew I wouldn't really hurt him and then he got to punish me for being so difficult and it was all a total surprise.

I had a very surreal experience a couple of weeks ago during the kidnap scene that we organised for Jessica. I knew what was happening and had been involved in the planning but had always been a bit nervous about how I'd react. I was very good and let them restrain me and then when we were lying on the floor started fighting back and got a few good kicks in the shins in before we were transferred to the van (where I was too busy feeling sick to do more than kick at my captors occasionally) and was also good about being transferred to our secure venue (except for refusing to put on my shoes) because I didn't want to influence anyone else's play. It was later (after we were rudely interrupted by a the boy interest's Dad) that I kicked off. I let wrist cuffs be put on but then started fighting the ankle cuffs and despite my hands being restrained and the fact I wasn't hitting hard or doing anything that might really hurt anyone it took 3 guys to finish restraining me. I then proceeded to repeatedly try to escape as the poor boy interest dealt with me, answer 'Are you being to behave now?' with 'Fuck you!' and get more and more irate as the poor boy struggled to work out where his sweet girlfriend had gone and who this hellion was. I got angrier, he got more frustrated and it didn't work - if we'd kept going he would eventually have won but there was a time limit. All very stressful and a bit confusing.

On reflection I realised that the problem was that Rebecca rather than an alter ego had been kidnapped. Rebecca who was very sensible and well behaved to facilitate the kidnap but as soon as she got into headspace recognised she was being kidnapped. And being kidnapped was bad. Rebecca had years of martial arts training to empower her so started kicking off. If I'd been playing someone else it would have been fine - Molly or Dorothea would have been feisty but terrified but Rebecca isn't like that - she fights. There was a sanity to it as my subconscious told me not to throw someone down the stairs and into a cabinet when I had my leg behind theirs on the stairs and not to punch hard or go for any proper self defence targets like eyes but still it was scary because I've never reacted quite that furiously before in a scene.

Lesson 1 - Do not try to kidnap Rebecca unless you have at least 4 men to restrain her.

Lesson 2 - Recognise that conditioning runs deep and is part of you and not something to be altered. When planning scenes that require a different outlook be someone else. It doesn't matter if I quite happily am a good girl and let the boy interest punish me - if in headspace the conditioning will win through.

Lesson 3 - Real life kidnappers (Middle Easterners included) beware - Rebecca is a rubbish target and you would not get many camels at all - you would probably end up giving someone camels to take her!

Lesson 4 - Boy interest is lovely and long suffering!


Paul said...

Rebecca, a fascinating post, it gives real insight into the real you, and teaches a good lesson, never think that you really know a bottom/sub.
Warm hugs,

Jessica said...

I think next time we do it, you will be somebody else. Then it will be even more fun. And kudos to the Boy Interest!

Indy said...

I don't really have much to say except that I really loved this post. Perhaps it's because my play partner does martial arts and it's nice to know that sometimes helps the bottom!