We all go to some dark places, places that on one level we seek to avoid but on another are compelled to explore. Places that take you beyond the 'nice' side of the scene, beyond the characters we hide behind and onto something deeper. Sometimes characters can guide the way but it's somewhere you have to allow your real self to go, something you have to admit is what you need and allow yourself to yield to.
Sometimes we all need to break a little bit, to go past the banter and joking and on to shakier ground. We have to let the thing we do pierce the surface into who we really are, what we want but most of all what we fear. It can be a tone of voice that takes us from lighter things into what lies beneath, it can be a planned punishment or sometimes it can be entirely unintentional and happen when playing just strikes a chord.
It's cathartic crying, giving in and quietly atoning. An interesting facet of many submissives is that we're closet perfectionists and want everything to be just so. It's not enough to score nine shots in life out of ten, we want the full set. It's not enough to be good at our jobs, have friends we adore, do some good in the world and to be healthy - we want to be the best we can and to rest assured that we've left no stone unturned in the pursuit of opportunity. The problem is often you can't live up to your demands upon yourself and hate yourself for not quite making the grade. That's when you need to break a little bit because it's cathartic, to cry about the open door left unexplored and to tell yourself that it's ok not to be perfect. Just sometimes you need that sort of catharsis and chance to let it all go. Sometimes.
2 comments:
Rebecca,wise words dear girl, but!!
I believe that in most human beings lies the desire for perfection, perhaps more so among submissives.
For most of us, depending on our personal beliefs, perfection is on the whole unobtainable.
So it is good and necessary to sometimes realise this and relax into the arms of someone you can trust and who is stronger than you.
Warm hugs,
Paul.
I like a real spanking like the kind that goes on until I am sobbing. I finally opened up to boyfriend of 8 month that I like spanking. So we tried a few times. He spanked me until he was comfortable a few time. Than he spanked me until I safe worded out a few times. He gave me a few timed 2 minutes hand spanking a few weeks later which was pretty good. But they were always over my cloths Than I told what I really wanted to try. Told him I wanted a very long no-nonsense real discipline punishment style spanking until I am crying beyond my ability to make words. I wanted to feel the trepidation of relinquish my safe word. To have no time limit, no swat limit, no protection. I wanted to feel the anticipation of slowly pushing my pants and panties down myself, not knowing when its going to stop or how many I was going to get. I want to try to experience the thrill and endorphins surge of making the choice, to feel adrenaline rush to will myself of staying in position and take it, no matter how bad it hurt until I was crying out of control and feel that cathartic emotional release. He was very reluctant at first and we talked about it for days. I wanted him to start off slower and build up so that that the spanking would last longer. At first he wasn’t wanting to because he was concerned welts and bruises. After telling him that I expected that. Its still took him over week before he realized I was serious. He finally decided to give it a try. We had to wait for his roommate to leave for the weekend. We got to his place. I slowly pushed my jeans and panties all the down my knees. He put me over his lap started spanking me with his hand really hard for a really long time. I mean after a good solid minute he began with those rapid fire smacks for another 3 while I was fluttering my feet like all get out. He finally let me up and I did that post spanking hop. I stiffened up, flew my hands over my ass as I pushed my hips forward and began rubbing frantically as I was hoping up and down. I was far from crying but I sure was fussing because that was the hardest and longest hand spanking I had ever got. After I calmed down enough stay in one place. He went to his room and came back a pillow. He pulled off his leather but fairly thin office belt doubled it half and asked me. “Ok, are you absolutely sure, no safe word, no time limit and no swat limit?” I respond with a yes. “Ok, that means I decide when this whippin stops not you, you sure that’s what you want, I mean it this belt spanking will continue until you are crying so hard you can’t make out words?” There I was jeans and panties down to ankles now. As I was still rubbing I looked directly into his eyes, I shuffled over and gently put my arms around him and hugged him. I gave him a long passainate kissed ever so gently and I and said, “Yes, please, I really do want to try this. So please don’t hold back but just start of slowly ok?” “You'll get quit a few before I finish you off. Remember, your safe word is nullified the moment you laid over couch. I laid over the arm of the couch after he gave me his bed pillow to hang on too. He started in hard and continuous about one whack per second and it just seem to go on and on. I was fussing and yelling quite a bit every time the belt came down. Than right no where he startes beating my ass really and really fast. It took my breath away. I shoved my face I to my pillow and started biting it trying to muffle my screaming. He wasn't stopping, instinctively I tried shouting my safe word but he ignored it and he kept whacking away. I was kicking and screaming and it seemed like it would never end. I don’t know how long it lasted but I finally broke into sobbing but he still kept whipping my ass hard and fast. When he finally stopped I was bawling so hard I was hiccup crying and my eyes were all puffy and stinging as tears were flowing. I just laid there sobbing. I couldn’t believe I was actually able to will myself to accept it. Its was pure cathartic release crying. am I the only who likes getting spanked so hard?
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