Do you ever really want someone to hurt you?
Not just a little bit so you moan and wriggle a bit but to make you struggle, cry or bite your lip until it bleeds? To go through the barrier where you stop struggling and just accept? I have an odd relationship with pain - I'm wary of it and sometimes I fear it but sometimes I also crave it and the adrenaline and subsequent calm that comes with it.
A big part of me loves playing without serious pain too so I think I'm masochistic rather than a proper masochist. I love the good girl spankings, sensual play, less painful varieties of bondage and teasing and they all take me to very good places. Done in the right way places where I purr and float away quite happily whilst people spank, tie or do other rude things to me.
Sometimes I want it to hurt though - I want to fight, cry, swear and protest and then eventually accept it. A lot of my hottest fantasies of this genre have a strong element of power imbalance - I dream of being the discovered stowaway on a sadistic captains ship (more on this another time!), the unruly inmate of a reform school with no real way out, having been captured by pirates or bandits or being the daughter of a powerful chief who has been kidnapped by a rival as a bargaining chip - he'll hurt me but not cause any permanent damage. This type of scene can be hard for my playmates as I really will give them hell until my character decides to accept things but have also given me some of my hottest scenes. I find it harder to take lots of pain doing the type of scene where it's my character's choice to let someone do things to her - a part of me likes the fight I think, though it might be something proprietous on a deeper level. The best scenes are the ones where I sort of end up floating above the pain, my tolerance goes through the roof and I just want more. Yummy. Scary but yummy :)